Another 4th of July ruined.
I’m not sure what went wrong, but I know I was feeling overly emotional and stressed on Friday, and it continued into Saturday.
Friday, I got everything done that I needed to that morning before my brother got up so we could go into town. He needs a new phone, so we were going to have a brother/sister trip. Well, he decided we weren’t going in because of the weekend traffic, and apparently that set something off in my brain that released all the stress that’s been building up, and I started sinking into a depression.
I feel bad about being angry with my brother for this simple thing, but I know in reality it’s not that I was purely angry; it just happened to be the trigger that set me off. Yesterday, on the 4th, it happened again, and I spent the remaining evening hours in my room curled up in my bed, staring into the darkness of my room. I didn’t watch the fireworks, despite the fact they shoot them off two houses down from us, and we have the best view in the town.
I didn’t even go upstairs for coffee this morning just to avoid everyone in my house. Right now, in this moment, I want nothing to do with the human race. This could change in the next few minutes as I’m typing this post, but for right now, I just don’t want to be around people. All I want to do is stare listlessly at the wall as I try to go back to sleep. I want to sleep the day away. I have no desire to do anything at all but sleep.
I just can’t find the will to care about anything.