It has been two and a half months since I quit my awful job at Payless Shoes, and in that time, I’ve gained enough weight to almost get back to pre-anorexia healthiness.
The highest stable weight I’ve ever been is 98 lbs, and I usually hang out in the 90 lbs range. My weight tends to fluctuate quit easily, so it makes it very hard to put on weight to get up to a healthy level. I got to triple digits at 100 lbs for one night, but that was only because I stuffed myself with pizza at a party and then weighed myself right afterwards. It was pretty much cheating.
I’ve always had troubles with weight fluctuation. Ever since I developed an eating disorder, my metabolism has gotten way out of whack. I’ve always been skinny, but a healthy skinny. So how did I all of a sudden start gaining weight and eating like a teenage boy?
In short, I cut out the biggest stressor in my life: my job.
I realize this approach may not be ideal for everyone, or most people for that matter, but it happened to be just what I needed. I fought quitting for a long time. I was so stressed about finances that I told myself I needed to stay in that situation just to make ends meet. In a normal situation, I might not have been so lucky. My parents are at a place now where they can support me during my time of recovering my health.
It wasn’t always that way. There have been times when hospital and other bills piled up, and I did my level best to pay for everything I possibly could myself. We’ve never been rich, and I’ve never minded that. Happiness has always been more important to me. But it’s hard to be happy when everyone is stressed out about finances. But God has blessed us with a very supportive church community, and they’ve been a great help and comfort during my dad’s battle with cancer (I particularly like when anyone brings us food; we have the best cooks at our church).
Now that we’re at a better place, my mom and dad have encouraged me to take time off from the regular working world to get my health back in order. I must say, I’ve made some pretty good progress so far. Without that time off, I never would have had time to blog and be as active with my writing as I am now. I’ve even had a few freelancing jobs here and there, so I’m making somewhat of a passive income to help alleviate the financial stress for my parents (not that they’re stressed, but I’m “lightening the load” as it were, as much as I can).
I realize that this situation of mine is a special case, and that not many are able to just quit their job and get their health groove back, especially if you have a family to support. But if gets to the point where it’s affecting your health so much that you are always ill, or if your mental illness worsens to the point of major episodes or suicidal thoughts, GET HELP. You won’t be able to work if you aren’t in the shape to do so, and putting off treatment will hurt you more in the long run. It’s a deep plunge to take, but for your health, you must take it.
If you are in a situation like I was, please check out my resources page and see what they can do to help you. I’ll be updating this page soon, so make sure to check back for more resources. I should have them up in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, one I will be adding is NAMI, which is active in the United States (all 50, thankfully) and Mind UK for those in England and Wales. I’m working on finding resources for other parts of the world as well, so if anyone knows of any they’d like to mention, please do so in the comments!
I really like this post for a number of reasons. First of all, not a lot of people talk about the importance of gaining weight or how it can be difficult. I’ve never had an eating disorder, but it is hard for me to gain weight and I’ve had doctors in the past get on my case about it. Anyway, I know how exciting it is to gain weight when you’ve been trying to reach a certain goal for a while and I’m happy you were able to!
I know what you mean about the financial situation as well. I found out that my mom was talking about how soon I won’t be on their insurance anymore and that it will be hard to afford all of my medication for my anxiety, etc. The problem is that right now I’m not ready to get a job because of my anxiety. I was also upset because I think I have a few more years on my mom’s insurance which means she doesn’t think I’ll be better in a few years (it’s hard enough that I worry about this without my mother worrying as well). I’ve learned though that I have to have faith in myself and continue to work hard. I wish you all the best and again, thank you for sharing this!
We kind of get a bad rap for wanting to gain weight, don’t we? I imagine you’ve heard the “I wish I had your problem!” line. I get it all the time. It’s hard to convince people it’s no fun.
I think with your insurance that your mom’s rate will go down once you get off of it, so she’d be able to help you out with individual insurance possibly. I’m sure everything will work out. Just don’t push yourself too hard before you’re ready.
Will be praying that you can find success with weight gain as well. 🙂
Thank you, Amber. You’re so nice! I almost hate complaining about being skinny because I know a lot of people wish they were thinner and have a hard time losing weight. I’m definitely not saying it’s harder for skinny people that people who are overweight, but being skinny can be hard too. I know that when I was younger, I was made fun of it. Thank you for your prayers. I will pray for you as well.